A Completely Normal Conversation
by rosetyler39
Summary: Just what the title suggests. A completely normal conversation via text between our Baker Street boys. Okay, well, it depends on your definition of normal... Rated T for a tiny bit of strong language.


**Hello sweeties! It's been a while, I know. I have been writing a lot of angst lately, so here's something to lighten the mood. :)**

**Sorry for the lines in between the text. I just thought that would make it clearer who's texting who and all that rubbish...**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>4:00 P.M.<strong>

_John. ~SH_

_JOHN. ~SH_

_We need more milk. ~SH_

* * *

><p><em>Sherlock, for God's sake, I'm at work right now.<em>

* * *

><p><em>Excuse me, this IS<em> _John Watson I am texting, correct? ~SH_

* * *

><p><em>Sherlock, what are you on about?<em>

* * *

><p><em>How am I to know who is texting me back if there are no initials to tell me so? ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>I don't have time for this.<em>

* * *

><p><em>Who doesn't have time for this? ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Ah! John. It is you. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>I hate you. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>You'd be bored without me. ~SH<em>

_We need more milk. ~SH_

* * *

><p><em>Sherlock, I told you, I'm at work. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Irrelevant. ~SH<em>

_Milk. ~SH_

_Now. ~SH_

* * *

><p><em>I'm buried in paperwork right now. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Again, irrelevant. ~SH<em>

_Milk. ~SH_

* * *

><p><em>I'll pick it up later. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>No. I need it now. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>I can't GET it for you right now. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>It's for an experiment. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>I don't care. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Ooh look! A mouse! ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>What the actual fuck? ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Language, John, please. ~SH<em>

_I caught it. ~SH_

* * *

><p><em>Good for you. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Where did you put my scalpel? ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>What? ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>My scalpel. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>Your scalpel? ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Yes, John, my scalpel. Where is it? ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>Why? ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>You answer my question first. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>Bottom left drawer in the bathroom. Why? ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Thank you. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>Why, Sherlock? ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Dissection. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>EXCUSE ME? ~JW<em>

_SHERLOCK, IF YOU ARE PLANNING ON CUTTING THAT POOR MOUSE OPEN… ~JW_

* * *

><p><em>It's a mouse. A rodent. Rodents were practically made for scientific study such as this. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>THIS ISN'T SCIENCE. THIS IS INCENTIVE TO GET ME TO GO OUT AND GET MILK. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Brilliant deduction. ~SH<em>

_I've duct-taped his tail to the baking sheet. ~SH_

* * *

><p><em>LET. THE MOUSE. GO. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Then go get milk. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>LET IT GO RIGHT NOW, OR I SWEAR TO GOD… ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>What God? ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>UNHAND THE MOUSE. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Get me milk. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>SHERLOCK HOLMES, I AM SERIOUS. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>So am I. ~SH<em>

_It's struggling. ~SH_

_Such an intricate design on this scalpel… ~SH_

* * *

><p><em>DAMMIT, SHERLOCK. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>I named him Jeffery. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>You named the mouse, Jeffery? ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Mhm. ~SH<em>

_Oh, don't squeak, Jeffrey, I only want to observe your organs. ~SH_

* * *

><p><em>WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PICK SUCH AN ADORABLE NAME? ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Incentive, John. Milk, please. ~SH<em>

_Such a nice scalpel. Such a healthy mouse. Ready for dissection, Jeffery? ~SH_

* * *

><p><em>I'M LEAVING WORK NOW. ~JW<em>

_I'M ON MY WAY TO THE TESCO. ~JW_

* * *

><p><em>I win. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>I'M ALSO PICKING UP A PAIR OF SCISSORS. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Why the scissors? ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>Such lovely strings on your violin. It would be a shame if something bad happened to them. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>You're bluffing. ~SH<em>

_You'd never hurt my violin. ~SH_

* * *

><p><em>How do you know? ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Because if you were meaning to actually go ahead and cut the strings on my violin, you wouldn't have told me. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>Aren't you clever? ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>That's been established. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>Idiot. ~JW<em>

**4:59 P.M.**

_I'm bored. ~SH_

_Have you got the milk yet? ~SH_

_Jeffery, don't squirm. ~SH_

* * *

><p><em>I GOT THE MILK. LEAVE THAT BLOODY MOUSE ALONE. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>He's not bloody yet… ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>PUT THE SCALPEL DOWN. I'M MAKING MY WAY TO THE FLAT RIGHT NOW. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Like I said before: I win. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>I can't believe I left work to save a mouse. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Frankly, I can't either. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>I really do hate you right now. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>:3 ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>What the hell is that supposed to be? ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>Some sort of mischievous cat-face, I think? I hacked Molly's phone, and I saw that she had sent it to a good number of her friends… excluding you and me, of course. Looking at it sideways, I concluded it was some sort of cat-face. ~SH<em>

_A cat's sounding really appealing right now, isn't it, Jeffery? ~SH_

* * *

><p><em>DO NOT CUT THAT MOUSE OPEN. ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>I hear your key in the door. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>Yes, and do you know what that means? ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>You're home. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>No shit, Sherlock. ~JW<em>

_But it also means that I'm about to punch you so fucking hard in the face, it will leave BOTH Jeffery and I in stitches. ~JW_

* * *

><p><em>Jeffery might need stitches… ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>YOU DIDN'T. IF YOU... YOU COULDN'T HAVE... ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>You're right. I didn't. You just set me up for that joke. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>You're a fucking idiot, you know that? ~JW<em>

* * *

><p><em>I love you too. ~SH<em>

* * *

><p><em>Yep. Definitely punching you in the face. ~JW<em>


End file.
